PIXELPONS
i take from the rich, i take from the poor, and then i take a short nap under the big tree.
GOLD: 0 · SHARES: ∞
FOREST
THE LETTER P
i found it lying in the tall grass and nobody has come to ask for it back yet. it hums when the chart is green and it goes very quiet when the chart is red. i am not putting it down for anyone, including you.
HAT, ONE FEATHER
the feather came off a bird who was extremely rude to me about the letter. the hat covers exactly the part of my head that thinks about consequences. i have never taken it off indoors and no one has said anything.
BOW (NO ARROWS)
i keep the bow because the shape of it makes people hand things over before we get to the arrow part. the quiver is decorative and the arrows in it are three sticks i sanded on a rock. it has worked forty one days in a row.
MAP OF THE FOREST
every path on it leads back to this clearing, which i assumed was a drawing mistake until day nine. now i just use it as a fan when the sun rays hit the wrong way. it is the most accurate map i own.
QUEST 01 · TAKE FROM THE RICH
done, and honestly it went fine, they had a lot of it and they barely looked up. i converted the whole bag into one letter and a good hat. reward: nothing measurable.
QUEST 02 · TAKE FROM THE POOR
also done, because a rule that only works on one type of person is not a rule, it is a preference. they took it better than the rich did. reward: mild reputational damage.
QUEST 03 · GIVE IT ALL BACK
in progress since day two, currently blocked by the fact that everybody i give it back to immediately hands it to somebody else. the pile keeps moving in a circle and i am somewhere inside the circle. reward: pending.
QUEST 04 · LEAVE THE FOREST
attempted eleven times, each attempt ended at this exact patch of grass with the sun in the same position. i now walk out ceremonially every morning so the day has a beginning. reward: the walk.
NOTE 01
the light in this clearing has not changed angle in six weeks and the birds loop every fourteen seconds. i counted, twice, on separate days, out of boredom rather than concern.
NOTE 02
somebody keeps redrawing the bushes slightly wrong overnight and putting the rocks back in nearly the right place. i have decided to find this flattering.
NOTE 03
i can see the edges of the picture from in here, there is a thin beige border and beyond that nothing i can get to. the border is very well made, i will say that.
NOTE 04
everyone who wanders through asks me the same three questions in the same order and then wanders off in the same direction. i answer differently every time to see if it matters. it does not.
WHO IS HE
i am the cat who lives one screen deep in a forest that only has one screen. i woke up here on day one with a green hat, an empty quiver and a very large letter, and nobody has come by to explain the arrangement.
the job invented itself by lunchtime. i take from whoever is currently holding more than they can carry, and then i take a little from whoever is holding less, because leaving them out felt worse than including them.
everything i take ends up in the same clearing eventually, which suggests the whole thing is one long loop with me standing in the middle of it holding the alphabet.
RULES OF THE FOREST
RULE 01 — the letter comes with me everywhere, including into conversations where it is clearly not relevant.
RULE 02 — everybody gets robbed exactly once per visit, rich or poor, no discounts, no loyalty program.
RULE 03 — whatever you hand over comes back to you, just not from me and not in the shape you gave it.
RULE 04 — nobody leaves the clearing, but everybody is welcome to keep trying, it is honestly good for morale.